Was it just a dream that I was once so grateful for?

When something beautiful comes into your life, unexpectedly and totally uncalled for, your brain’s cortisol levels are in shock, with pleasure, it's called a total surprise. You start believing in all the miracles, and the magic in this life. All the climaxes in the movies start making more sense, and God seems to be smiling at you and giving you comfort for the hard days you seemed to have spent fighting alone.

But were you ever prepared for having all that snatched away from you too? It might seem like you are grown well enough to deal with things when they don’t seem to go your way and even if it might end, you (in your mind) seem to be prepared for it, prepared as in, you would know things might as well not go your way at the end. But then when it actually comes, the hurt it causes is felt very intensely no matter how much you were prepared for it. 

I remember that when I received such a blessing, I felt like a cherry on top of my cake. It just felt like home and very much happy. But then, there are some disturbances, which are called the realities hitting you when the pleasure hormones seem to start fading away with time. 

The whole thing for me can be divided into 3 parts, the first part which is absolutely magical, the second part in which feelings are very strong but realities start surfacing and the last part where even though the feelings are strong you know this will end soon. I to date have been unable to make sense of which reality is true, but then all those realities are true. And it makes more sense that initially every promise will be made and every problem that might arise in the future will look small and easy to be dealt with, and when it actually comes, the counterparty will raise their hands up and just call everything off, by saying that nothing is same like before. They will have a lot of justification to prove their point, but none to support the point where they actually tried their level best to save the bond.

It just tells more about how the human mind works, when it's filled with dopamine and oxytocin every obstacle in life feels easy to be dealt with, but when you are in a low-frequency everything feels dull. I would never blame the counterparty for what all happened, because with time everything makes even more sense that probably it was all just meant to happen this way for the lessons that are unknown to us and for the better people unknown to us at the moment, we may find for ourselves on the journey of our lives.

Not everyone you meet is supposed to stay with you for life long, they do come and they do become one of the most important persons in your life for that short time but then the lessons otherwise won’t be learned if they weren’t important. For us to learn something it has to hold value, hence God will send them for short time, bring them immensely close, and then once their part is done, they will leave us too.

When we see things from God’s eyes, or even from a broader perspective, all that is happening in our life will start making more sense to us. All the small things that were there pinching you throughout would start looking as just God’s way to hint that this no longer serves the purpose in your life, hence leave this and move ahead. It will even make sense then, that in the beginning, the things that happened were God’s way to bring two people closer so that they share things that will help them ahead in their lives, and then once that purpose got solved, he started pushing you towards something else by causing small hurts at the beginning to big wounds later, so that it ultimately gets over in all the possible ways.

It will keep on hurting you until you are strong enough to let it go completely for your own sake and the other persons too. Initially, when everything happens, it’s very hard to make sense of why it all happened and why was it supposed to happen this way. But as time passes by, it will all make sense. Just do what is required for you to do, keep moving ahead, and trust God’s plan for he has everything planned out for you. And when I look at it this way, I realize that yes that dream that I lived in the initial few months, was a reality only and fully divinely guided. Hence, I am grateful for everything that happened even today.

Yes, I won't deny the pain it causes to let go of it completely, it comes with a lot of pain, and that pain is indescribable in words, just like happiness was indescribable. It makes your heart empty, and hollow and it starts paining very differently than it used to with minor setbacks earlier. This one seems very different and in short very painful to acknowledge. At that moment it feels like you are drowning, you would hold on to any single hope or help that will come to you or is within your reach. You will start panicking when it starts to hurt you, that moment when you think it's over and it's no longer there, and the void it leaves causes uneasiness and panic. It’s a state where you become so uneasy that you start reaching out to all those people and things that at once gave you some pleasure, but those things are external and won’t be able to fill the void. It will just be a distraction from the pain at that point in time. Then how do we fill that void? It's well known that with time all wounds will heal, but that inner void can only be filled with your inner self realizing new perspectives and outlooks in life. It can be filled with love and care only, and now you have to provide for yourself. That’s when the importance of self-love comes into play. Being self-compassionate, self-loving and self-caring are the only ways you can heal wounds like these.

When I had faced a similar heartbreak previously, I was totally unprepared for it. when it hit me, I had no idea it was coming and it took me not months but years to come to that realization that I hadn’t got the thing I wanted.

Things happen in life, the initial stage of grief is anyways denial and shock, where you are not yet ready to face the reality. But then slowly, it starts hitting you and makes you feel very empty, anxious, or uneasy at times. Several techniques have been talked about on the web to come over this and the best one that stays is not to avoid the pain that is there. Not to suppress it, and not to sideline it too.

In the end, just simply acknowledging that it's very painful and in fact hurts you so much that when flashbacks keep on hitting you and you zone out completely, you can't help your tears rolling out. It’s alright to feel all that too, this is what makes us humans after all. At least we all know that this too shall pass.

But now, it is more peaceful no expectations, no pain, and no further attachments. Just in your memories, replaying it like a movie and just being grateful. That’s it.

With huge regards, Shambhavi, signing off!