When the Heart Doesn’t Let Go of It

It is the next level of craziness in the world if you are so adamantly stuck with something or someone without even having their physical presence. I used to take it very lightly until I started recounting my past experiences and realized there is something deeper to it if you think about it.

When I was 19, I didn’t get the college I desired so I kept on holding to that for a long, long time. for years I have been wondering why I was unable to grapple with the setback I experienced which almost everyone goes through. And now, I don’t feel a bit of regret or sadness about it. I wonder if it was just the time that healed me or I changed or maybe I just learned what I was supposed to from that incident.

If someone is not very spiritual, they might just want to conclude these types of instances by stating that it's just that their mind couldn’t let go of a certain setback/person/incident and so they gave themselves reasons over the years and hence concluded it with the reason that fit the best, hence you healed, or just found a good enough replacement for it so that you can let go of that pain.

But the twist here is that, even if you have found a replacement to numb the pain, you won’t be able to sustain it. I feel that if I had gotten to this college soon after my graduation, I wouldn’t have been able to sustain my life here. I am very thankful for the additional 2 years it took me to be here because now I was ready to face life here. That’s why it is said if you want something to sustain, then you have to wait for the right time. what they mean is that you have to match the frequency, and bring yourself to a level to be able to handle it. If you are given something when you haven’t healed from your past with a similar situation then you won’t be able to sustain and keep the current thing too.

I have been experiencing a similar situation but in a different context this time. I was wondering why whenever I am making a mistake, or every time I am having a small fight with a loved one, am I just coming to one particular thought or memory. Everything gets related to certain memories and attachments which I no longer have real connections with. It’s not even my thought process I would say. Because I had made myself believe certain things where I wasn’t supposed to be feeling the way I was after those minor tussles.

I realized that this wouldn’t go until I truly realized and acknowledged what went wrong from my side, what exactly was the situation like, and how it could be done in a better way. This seems like a very normal and common solution to what it may seem like, again, a common problem.

But then it's deeper than how it may seem because some people might want to just isolate themselves while they go through this period of extreme vulnerability to themselves and self-realization. However, you can be a work in progress while at the same time being incredibly fabulous socially. Also, it will require some deep reflection, which will demand your extensive alone time, and focus. It is a hard process to go through moments of pain when you are just crying and feel a lot of regrets. Remember then that every moment you cry, you are healing too. And lastly, if you feel the situation/person you lost was an enormous part of your life, then remember to give yourself those enormous number of hours/days/months to come out of it fully healed, because the greater the intensity of emotions we attach to a particular situation/person the greater the spiritual learnings are, and the greater the transformation is.

I am personally going through a very, very surface level of introspection, but I know that there is more depth to what I am experiencing right now. It just needs more time, energy, strength, and maturity to deal with it bit by bit. I have braced myself for it, I know the mountain that I have to climb is huge, but at least I feel happy about the ocean I took a deep dunk in. While it can be very painful to have either big dreams, a lot of passion for something, or intense emotions for someone, one can’t ignore the fun you go through even if the pain might quite literally destroy you. You can be certain though, that the pain will be worth it, even if you have lost what you once desired.

And for me even iterating this line makes my heart weep, because it does take time to let go of certain things. And each time you say it, bit by bit, the heart weeps but also heals. So do think about what is that one thing your heart just can’t let go of, you have some soul-calling to that. and also remember that what you feel today won’t stay the same once you have healed from it, once your spiritual learning is complete.

Lots of Love :)