The Extent of Emotional Attachment

[PS: I was feeling super anxious, I didn’t know what to do, so then I came here to write this blog to release the emotions which I have been denying till now]

When the impact of emotional detachment is very huge, then it takes quite a long time to come to the acceptance stage, whether that stage is reached yet or not, we might still not know at some point in the process. And probably if we don’t know, then it means that we still have a long way to reach that acceptance stage.

When I came to the realization that emotions might be holding me back from the other important things that were left with me in hand after I lost something important, I made it a point to release my emotions as quickly as possible. But then while doing that, I started making myself believe that I have already gone through this particular stage of grief so I am done and dusted with that grief stage and quickly let’s move forward. Without realization, I started suppressing my emotions and then purposely started living in those stages of grief which I wanted to be in. Without also realizing that emotions will take their own time to process, and come to the surface.

It was around this time I realized that I was in a denial stage all this while, well yeah, and then came the anger stage when the reality started making more sense and the real-life situation had to be dealt with. At that time, I reacted with my emotions in such a way that I never thought I would ever do, which was with such great intense anger towards someone who I loved so much. It was around this time when my therapist’s talks started making more sense that when you have the power to love, you have the power to kill in love too. Not that you kill someone in reality (even though it does happen in a few cases, Hehe), but the rage for the hurt caused or felt is so intense, that it might take several forms of negative emotions at that time. I released that anger by being at the worst of my feelings, I don’t blame myself for that, because one should keep enough self-compassion when that stage comes. Neither do I blame the counterparty for their reactions, because if I can have self-compassion then I can have empathy too.

I will not regret that release of anger, because it will lead us to our independent paths which will make us grow into better individuals. But I am sad about how it ended, or how it is supposed to end in order to let go of all the attachments you are still holding with that person. And then someone very wise told me, that if this leads us to separate our ways finally, which otherwise would be colliding due to attachments and stopping our personal growth, then it is for the best only. Only with that prayer in my heart, I do want to fully let go of this emotional attachment. I can never think bad or wish bad for that person who at one point made me feel like it's possible to reach the divine love that everyone talks about in movies or poetries. I am so grateful to have felt that because of that person in my life, how can I ever wish for something bad? I will always hold a special place in my heart for all the feelings I experienced because of that special person. Even though I do regret sometimes getting attached to someone who altogether had a different personality to what they showed, as though I took a decision more emotionally rather than practically, then I just feel It's better to see this as a lesson only. We never know the lessons god had planned for us that he wishes to teach us by sending some people for a short period of time. 

The polarities of emotions that I went through actually made me feel better about the relationship I had. Because it was then that I realized that our bond was so intense.

All this while when I was suppressing my emotions I developed a serious anxiety issue within me, frequently experiencing fast heartbeats and my inability to cry when I felt like it. I wasn’t able to sleep, eat or even taste the food. I felt emotionally drained and even listening to songs was making me super anxious. Yes! I could not even listen to songs, and if forcefully I tried listening to a song it would be fast-beat music so that I can again suppress my emotions. But I would continue suppressing myself while my inner me knew it has to be dealt with on an immediate basis. I also felt very heavy in my chest because when I felt like crying, I couldn’t cry. I thought I was being strong by not being able to cry until these suppressed emotions turned into anxiety, and then it started interfering with my health and life. That’s when I realized the importance of letting your emotions out and that can only be done when it's felt and gone through. It can’t be passed through by sidelining it or suppressing it deep down.

It's very easy for a third person to come and tag you with a certain description at that time, I have also done that before. But today I realize that all kinds of emotions are valid, and they deserve to be heard and dealt with. They should not be suppressed or tagged. People are scared to share their feelings because it’s a natural human tendency to tag all emotionally expressive people as ‘cry babies’ or ‘young angry man/woman’ or ‘a confused soul’, but if you are not in their shoes then you have no rights to label anyone’s emotions as anything.

In the end, I would like to address through my blog post that being able to feel and release your emotions is the only way to heal. There are no shortcuts or sideways to pass through these emotional setbacks. For this, you may also realize the importance of a high emotional quotient. It will also be suggested that you may take several quizzes related to calculating your emotional quotient, and then you may work on your weak areas.

Help one another grow in their life and be an emotional support to anyone who comes to you for help.

Wishing everyone the best! With huge regards, Shambhavi, signing off!