The extent of impact it left on you is realised only later

Every incident that happens with us in this life leaves an impact on us, no matter how much we have gone through in the past but as every new experience comes, the newer and the greater impact it might leave you with. Why greater because even though you thought you were prepared you still hoped and invested your emotions again, and it was a new start altogether, a new experience with someone new, even though the feelings would have been felt before therefore old but other factors make it altogether new. The way you feel the same happiness every time you succeed in doing something new, the feeling of happiness is felt before and you might even be prepared for failure based on bad past experiences, but with a new challenge upfront you have new hopes and new investments again. 

The impact is realized only when you know nothing can be changed and nothing can be back to as it was earlier, at least the present moment tells you that very clearly, that’s when it hits you and leaves a crater on your heart which is hollow and empty.

The emptiness is so hollow that nothing can seem to fix it at that moment. You are speaking to people but you are not talking, you are living in the moment but you are missing something. There is something that has to be fulfilled deep within you, which is lost which was filled with someone else in it. That someone else was adding such value to your moments is what you realize when you see everything is over. You see people asking you to think rationally and logically and the fact that you aren’t together anymore is a rational decision only, but the impact of that rational decision is shown through intense emotions only after that decision is taken. There are moments where you would wonder why we even then feel happiness if we were to feel this level of sadness after it's gone. All your rational thoughts seem to fade away, and the intensity of the impact is so much that it leaves you just quiet and silent.

You don’t feel like sharing anything because no one can help in this situation, no one is responsible for this situation and no one should take the responsibility to make you stronger at that moment. And why so? Because when you give that responsibility to someone else to make you stronger you are just preparing yourself to meet a similar kind of sadness again in the future. You don’t learn to extract the immense courage you have within yourself to push you through the hard times.

There is no denying that the impact it left on me is like a bullet hole, I saw it coming but I could just not gather the courage to deal with that impact at that very moment, so I kept on postponing it. When you do encounter that event, you realize that it wasn’t just a normal ocean current coming in waves earlier, in fact, it was a tsunami that was sending those waves earlier.

There is so much at stake that you have to have the courage to keep holding the door to keep the pressure of tsunami out of your reach, but then it does break down one day and you realize that you have to swim through it when you are drowning in it. you have to catch your own breath when no one else is there, and everyone else has their own tsunamis’ of life to deal with. It’s said in the airplanes as a warning too, “before putting the oxygen masks for others, do it for yourself first”.

Honestly speaking it is such a bad situation where you feel like you really and desperately need help, your whole inner self is crying out for help but all you can do at that moment is feel the intensity of the water on you, pushing you down and you giving up on the hope of even coming out of that abyss. The impact of emotional traumas is actually felt physically, you feel heavy in your chest and there seems like a big stone stuck in your heart or body, which needs to be relieved to keep you at ease. But guess where that stone is lying: it's inside your heart, inside your body, if god gave that power to anyone to ease that heart pain, its key lies only with you. That’s when you realize too, that when you take a deep breath and utilize your full potential you might even come out of it.

I realized it when I understood the ultimate peace comes from within your heart, anything external will die out sooner or later. That’s why the key to end this suffering is doing it all on yourself, finding ways to heal yourself better rather than looking for answers outside. Of course, it is tough, no one said its easier but then once you overcome this you have found the key to your ultimate peace and happiness, and no matter what hurricane is happening outside in the world, no one can disturb the inner peace and wisdom you gained when you tried your level best to the core to swim out of that tsunami when you were drowning and each wave of emotion was hitting you down, pushing you down and deeper into the water. And that's when you would also realize if in the past this kind of tsunami was dealt with completely by me or some external factor helped me in it. If this tsunami seems easier to deal with even if the impact it has left is similar, then you definitely tried it yourself the last time. And even if you think otherwise, I am sure you were victorious only because if you had the courage to enter this new experience again and invest so much again, trust so much again, then definitely you had been victorious the last time fighting it off because then only you could commit to something new all over again with the same or even greater passion. And the good news is, you will again be victorious this time too. 

It seems hard at that moment, but with self-reflection, you will start noticing that each wave that’s hitting you has a pattern. Once you cut off those patterns, you cut off everything that is making those waves gain power over you, you will start floating on the water.

And when you start floating, you will see the pink sky and the glowing sun.