Do you have it all?

Is there that sweet spot in life when you feel like you have it all? I thought I would have that sweet spot once I achieved this or that, then my personal and professional life would be on track. I had a one-track vision and full optimism about how things would turn out to be. My feelings and trust in the relationships I had with either my goals or people with me were so strong. But I was proved wrong. One of my greatest sources of happiness was given to me overnight while the other great one had to be let go.

I thought at least the ‘happiness’ given to me should be cherished, and it really filled my life’s vessel to the brim. I have no feelings to express how I feel about the ‘happiness’ given to me as a blessing and being able to cherish all of it is just a dream come true for me. I feel while I am very satisfied with my life with that ‘happiness’ I was blessed with, the feeling of having it all is still missing. The memory of earlier contentment and having felt the ‘have it all’ earlier is driving this yearning for a sense of wholeness for me. I still can't thank god enough for all the blessings he has showered me with, and all the learnings, opportunities, and good people I have met till now.

But then, this ‘but’ arises and makes me wonder what else I am looking for. Will that ‘but’ stop arising once I actually get what my heart deeply desires? Is there something God or the higher power is trying to take my attention to? Because this feeling, which I feel right now, makes me feel that something is missing. And no matter how many things I take on my plate, there is this feeling of something that I lost that keeps me up at night. My tiredness will put me to sleep, but then I wonder what is it that I am trying to seek.

I don’t want to imply with any of this that I am not happy. I am very happy and feel blessed with the ‘happiness’ I was gifted with. And that’s what makes me wonder if I should even be focusing on this ‘something’ that seems lost. There is one saying; humans have a tendency to always worry about that one dish that is missing from their plates which is replete with 20 other dishes.

But then, I tried to understand why a person would still be looking for something if they have 20 other things on their plate to relish their taste buds from. From what I could gather, it is about the deep desires every human being has. And everyone has their own.

Maybe certain deep desires, with a certain age of every stage arise. And the world being unfair, never is able to offer the complete world of happiness to someone. One has to learn the art of happiness to achieve that.

Even after a person is immensely grateful to God for everything he or she has, they might still have something missing. Especially if one is unable to feel that their heart’s deep desires aren’t fulfilled.

Now one can just reduce the number of desires they have. but how can one limit the desires, if they are the basic human needs which come as they go on with their lives?

My complaints to God are always shunned by the spiritual wisdom I have gained over the last few years, but I feel like being like a kid for just once to openly complain about that one feeling I had felt earlier, months ago, but can’t feel it now. I have felt it, and so I know how it feels to have that feeling of security, companionship, and, success and through those lots of happiness running through your blood.

I really don’t have time to wonder about these, and maybe I should be devoting more time to finding out what exactly is my soul calling right now. Maybe that’s why they say, meditate so you can hear what your soul is telling you.

But the fact of the matter is, I already know what that thing is, that feeling, that I claim to have lost. I know what it is, and amidst all the beautiful things that I am really grateful for from the bottom of my heart, I still crave that one lost feeling but I won’t complain about it, because the feeling of having it all is probably all a delusion. And if it's not a delusion, then maybe it’s not the right time for me to feel that I have it all. Because you can never lose what is yours. What is yours will always find a way to be in your life, be it that shirt you missed buying or that friend of yours who you never thought you would be reconnecting with again.

So just continue feeling grateful for all the blessings you have in your life, what’s yours will come at the right time.